Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
