I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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