not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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