You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there's paper in my vomit.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
