i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
