"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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