Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
