i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
