shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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