exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
