How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
