I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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