My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
