Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
