I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Someone shattered a urinal.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
