I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
