i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
