Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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