That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
