please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
