I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
