just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
