dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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