considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
