So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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