his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
