We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This baby is an asshole
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
