Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
