You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
