Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
