Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
