Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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