nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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