This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
