I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
