I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
