Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
