I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
