Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
