Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
