he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your cock deserves a montage
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
