There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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