Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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