New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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