i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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