She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
