i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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