He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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