You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
