Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
