The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
