Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
