I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
