Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
