This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
