..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
