i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
